Lately when I am in the garden or trying to fall asleep or get my yoga on my brain starts going back\u00a0 to all the times in my life I mis-stepped, mis-spoke, mis-judged, well missed something. Basically was wrong, big times, tiny ones, it seems there is an endless supply of self loathing to be tapped into in my brain. What is up with that, I do not want to go there, I cannot fix it. I want to smell the roses, all the\u00a0 be here now be in the moment stuff. I choose scenes from my movie when I was very happy, glorious moments and try to focus on them, blot out the other stuff. That sticky gooey bad stuff is persistent and keeps coming back. I am beginning to understand all the vices people use to escape their brain, to stop the crazy noise. A few days ago I remembered Mary Oliver. Now when the crazy noise starts I sit and read one of her poems and it helps<\/p>\n
I Worried
\nby Mary Oliver<\/p>\n
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
\nflow in the right direction, will the earth turn
\nas it was taught, and if not how shall
\nI correct it?<\/p>\n
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
\ncan I do better?<\/p>\n
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
\ncan do it and I am, well,
\nhopeless.<\/p>\n
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
\nam I going to get rheumatism,
\nlockjaw, dementia?<\/p>\n
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
\nAnd gave it up. And took my old body
\nand went out into the morning,
\nand sang.<\/p>\n
From Swan<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lately when I am in the garden or trying to fall asleep or get my yoga on my brain starts going back\u00a0 to all the times in my life I mis-stepped, mis-spoke, mis-judged, well missed something. Basically was wrong, big times, tiny ones, it seems there is an endless supply of self loathing to be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-349","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=349"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":351,"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349\/revisions\/351"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=349"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=349"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christinelinderstudio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=349"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}