I thought and thought about it and decided. I need a new take on being seventy years old. I have been telling myself actively or subliminally that there is no logic in starting any new big phases of my life as I am so near the end of it, stepping off into the void, could go any day now and clearly I am not the power house I used to be. Now I am thinking bullroar, I mean really anybody can go anytime right? Also sounds sooooo totally self pitying, oh poor me crap. I have always been more prolific, more driven than anyone I know so if I am running on half speed big deal, I will now be closer to normal. If I am stepping into the void and time is limited then I need to get off my fanny and live it up. So first I changed my hairstyle a first step in any adventure, got my yoga back on tack. Then I ordered a great big beautiful slab roller for the studio to help make my clay dreams come true. My new toy/adventure in clay should arrive today or maybe tomorrow.
I am slowing down or trying to. I am reading Annie Proulx’s “Postcards” and I am trying to go slow. I read a lot and sometimes I am charging through the pages, just wanting the story and getting angry at the descriptive words in the way, just tell me what happens dammit. Proulx’s words are marvelous and I would miss so much if I read them in my usual race to the end, it is the journey, I must remember it is the journey, take the long way round this time. so when I find myself speed reading I stop and go back a page or two. I need to do this in my life also. I am forcing my way through projects getting angry at my body because it cannot keep up and of course injuring myself so that I must lay on the couch for two or maybe three days to recover. My body knows what my mind cannot accept. I am aging, I must go slow. when I am forced by my body to slow down it is really a blessing. I take several days to complete a project that formerly I would do in one day. I find the slowness can be sweet, I see so many things I would have crashed over in my rush and I have a lovely time. For some reason I cannot sustain this and fall back into my old pattern of rush crash and burn. RCB syndrome as I call it and once again I am angry at my body. I am ultimately angry at being seventy. This is an ignorant way to conduct my life and I am missing the sweet time that is at this age my due. I am going to start with this book no matter how long it takes and just maybe if I can keep my mind calm it will roll over into the rest of my life.
I have been working on lino cuts again. The one on the right is Fearless Fanny. I made her a while ago and recently I made the one on the left Frank the Beeman. I finished up the cutting and printed them on valentines day. Together they are the birds and the bees. I have also printed Fanny on pillows and clothing. They are good sized prints, actual image size about 12″ x 14″. I have a feeling there is a story here, a little book maybe but so far it is only a vague idea. I need to scan them into the computer proper and start to play with movement maybe, again not sure. It will float around in my brain and eventually grow into something. I am thinking of making them a garden. Also should Frank have red cheek circles too, I have printed him both ways, any ideas on that?
Oh no this is not for me. I have lived most of my life in the north and sometimes in very harsh northern climates like the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Loved the snow, “winter wonderland” a term I often used. I have lived in North Carolina for only four years and yesterday it snowed and sleeted and everything is frozen and covered with ice. Let me tell you I am now very spoiled by this near south living and this winter frozen stuff is just “not for me” anymore. I am actually angry about it and I want it to stop. It is about to get even colder, my cacti, my flying dragon tree are all at risk, I can pile all the covering I can muster on them and I think when the mercury hits zero the gig is up. So I would like the snow and cold and ice to go back where it belongs, way north of here. Please, please go now.
Yes I would have to call it itchy, that need to dig in the dirt and it just is not spring yet, makes me crazy. This past weekend it hit 65 and sunny and I transplanted things from one place to another that did not really need to move and it was probably to early to move them anyway but move them I did. I tried just weeding and it did help but ultimately I wanted to plant. I noticed some coriander had reseeded itself from last year and was up so of course I rushed into the house to get the seed I had saved from last year to satisfy my desperate need to plant. It will probably freeze when the temp goes back to normal but luckily I have a lot of cilantro seed. It is a strange need and no matter how many years I garden it comes rushing back to torment me way too early in the planting season. I saw this photo of garden onions I took a few years ago and of course I started wondering if it was really too early for onions. Yes it is and I need to get a grip, have a glass of wine, take a cold shower.
It is back to the garden for this angel. She came inside to help with the holiday cheer but now she is back to watching over things in the garden. She is a fave of mine, if you put a light inside her eyes glow, love that. I think I will try to make this one again. Of course it will not be the same I do not seem to be able to actually repeat anything but the figures evolve, morph, sometimes for better sometimes not. Right now the garden area needs another effigy, a little more watching over. there are now many sightings of coyotes in my hood and I have a lovely flock of chickens so I hope she can work some magic. Probably need about six more, one is never enough.
Hard to believe I am thinking about flower seeds and the garden. I don’t want to think about murder, mayhem ,terrorists ,tragedy ,vortexes and all the many issues that seem to be falling out of the sky like heavy rain on a dark day. Yes it is cold outside and everything is frozen and yet I have some siberian iris bulbs that are shoving green leaves up thru that rock hard ground and the leeks keep thriving and the garlic, just amazing. I have a pile of garden catalogs, a hot cup of tea and I am dreaming of spring in the garden, trying to put some positive vibes out into the universe to part the clouds.
I do feel good. The Boylan Heights Artwalk was very good to me.
the validation from all the charming people that came by and especially those that purchased my work feels real good. My friends that helped set up,take down and worked with me the whole day, giving buckets of emotional support were amazing and they were really cold by the end of it all, good friends to have for sure.My son who hauled all the crates up out of the studio and the remainder back down. I had a really good team. The great home owners that own the porch we took over even provided us with hot tea and were very supportive in every way, a lovely space to be in. I cannot say enough good things about the artwalk team, very kind, thoughtful and well organized.
sure by the end of the day I was cold, tired and my body hurt but also very elated and pleased to have been a part of it all. Thanks yu’all.